counselling group.

IRENE is holding a counselling group for the victims of terrible jokes.

IRENE: So, who'd like to go first?
ENGLISHMAN: I would Irene. I mean, me and my friends have found it ridiculously difficult to live anymore.
SCOTSMAN: It's true, we can't go anywhere anymore. Even finding work is difficult. We just get laughed at.
IRISHMAN: I agree completely. I'm not even fully Irish, my mother was from Australia.
SCOTSMAN: I trained as a neurologist for many years, but people just don't take me seriously...
IRENE: Have you ever thought about seperating?
ENGLISHMAN: Many times, but it just doesn't work.
IRISHMAN: Yeah, I mean, how're we supposed to work as a band?
IRENE: So you're in a band together?
ENGLISHMAN: Yes we are.
IRENE: I see, but that's beyond the point. What sort of things do people say?
SCOTSMAN: All sorts of things.
IRISHMAN: Yeah, I mean, there's a whole load of fake rumours about us.
ENGLISHMAN: I heard one the other day about us finding some sort of magic lamp and getting three wishes. It was ridiculous, I mean, if we did get three wishes, I'm sure we'd come to some sort of agreement, we wouldn't waste them.
IRENE: I see, well we have another member with us. Tell us about yourself.
YO MOMMA: Well, call me foolish, but there's been a great deal of insults directed towards me, but my poor children have to suffer. They're the ones that get told these false accusations, I bet they wouldn't have the nerve to confront me face to face!
IRENE: Who's they?
YO MOMMA: Well, everyone! And I'm fed up of it! I'm recently going through a divorce, and it's been very difficult on me and my children, and the last thing I need is people going around saying "oh, yo momma is so fat" and whatnot. I know I have a weight issue, but I'm dealing with it, I've recently started that Atkins Diet.
IRENE: Has it helped?
YO MOMMA: Not really, I haven't lost any weight and my feet are turning green.

the art of conversation #2.

TOM, EMMA and JACK are all in the park discussing a birthday party.

TOM: I can't believe how wasted I got.
EMMA: I know, I was dead this morning.
JACK: Did you see the state of Jason?
TOM: Wasn't he sick?
JACK: Yeah, he threw up everywhere man, his mum had to pick him up.
EMMA: Poor guy.
TOM: To be fair, it was his fault for drinking so much.
EMMA: True, did you see the state Terry was in?
TOM: I think I might have fell asleep by then.
EMMA: She got naked and went in the pool!
TOM: I'm glad I missed that.
JACK: She was barely wearing anything to begin with.
EMMA: I know, her mum picked out her outfit, I'd never let mine do that.
TOM: I heard Chris shit himself last night too.
JACK: Oh god, really?
TOM: Yeah, it proper stunk too.
EMMA: Well he was barely eating solid food.
TOM: I know, might explain it.
JACK: It was nice of his parents to throw him that party mind.
EMMA: Yeah, the cake was delicious.
TOM: Ah well, looks like its time to go, I'll see you later guys.
EMMA: See you.

Three mums appear and take their babies home.

the art of conversation.

A man in a trenchcoat and a school mother are at the gates of a school.

WOMAN: Hi.
MAN: ...
WOMAN: Has the bell gone yet?
MAN: Not yet, they'll be out soon.
WOMAN: Ah good, my kids'll kill me if I was late.
MAN: ...
WOMAN: So whose class are yours in?
MAN: Oh, I don't have children.
WOMAN: Ah right... Picking one up for someone then?
MAN: Nope.
WOMAN: I see...

There is an uncomfortable silence for a minute.

WOMAN: That's a nice coat.
MAN: Thank you.
WOMAN: It's a warm day, you must be roasting under there.
MAN: Not really, I'm quite cool actually.
WOMAN: Really? I'm in short sleeves and I'm sweating...
MAN: ...
WOMAN: ...

A bell rings.

WOMAN: Well, here come the kids. It was nice meeting you.
MAN: You too.

The children run out. The man flashes then walks home.